The following week was only slightly less hellish than the week before. The pain levels were the same, but Riko was off doing some special interview in Vancouver with Jean. Riko would never do anything to Jean when they were in press-mode, so Neil wasn’t worried. Neil got the privilege of not going because the main branch didn’t love having him in the news too often. The Nest was blissfully less painful than normal.
It was Tuesday and Neil planned to get Jean out on Friday, after the first game of the season. The timing couldn’t be better, because Neil also heard that Kevin signed to play with the Foxes and the announcement is coming out Thursday. Riko and his spoiled-brat-self would not react well and he tended to get a little stabby when things didn't go his way. Neil knew that Tetsuji would prevent Riko from doing anything before the first game of the season on Friday, which meant that the weekend would likely be Hell for anyone in the Perfect Court.
And honestly, Neil had no faith that Riko wouldn’t kill Jean. Neil was partially protected by the main branch so he wouldn’t go to Hell until he wasn’t useful anymore. Yes, Jean was protected, but the main-branch also saw Jean as replaceable. The only good thing that came of being blood-related to the Butcher was that Neil wasn’t. So, in other words, Neil’s plan was just in time.
Hearing about Kevin’s announcement wasn’t much of a shock to Neil. If anything, it made Neil smile. As much as he loved pissing Riko off, Neil was happy that Kevin was playing again. Did it sting to realize that Kevin was moving on completely and seemed to have forgotten about Neil? Maybe, but as per usual, Neil wasn’t going to address that. Neil couldn’t blame Kevin for going back to a sport that Neil himself couldn’t live without. Pride was a unique emotion for Neil.
So, without his partner to tell him otherwise, Neil’s plan to get Jean out morphed pretty quickly. He knew that he was sending Jean to the Foxes because they were the ones who knew the truth about the Moriyamas (well, Neil assumed they did). He had plans for Jean beyond that, but the hardest part of the plan was getting Jean out of the cult.
Neil knew he couldn't do it himself because Jean wouldn’t leave him. Fucking French idiot.
He would never ask Kevin—Neil would die before he put Kevin anywhere near this.
And that left him with one option.
After dinner and night time practices, everyone was sent back to their rooms. Neil waited four hours into their eight hours of sleep, threw on one of Jean’s hoodies, then walked out of the room. He wasn’t too worried about getting caught in the hallways or the court because people in the Nest weren’t blind. Tetsuji knew what Riko did to Neil and Jean when they went back to their rooms and the rest of his players knew that Neil and Jean marginally never slept. Everyone steered clear of them.
Neil made it to the court, using his freaky ability to make no noise when he moved, and went over to Tetsuji’s office. It was empty and Neil grabbed his lock picks. After getting the door open, Neil opened the cabinet that held two of the Raven-issued phones supposedly distributed to every player when they signed. Yet Neil was a flight risk and Jean was a possession, so who were they to have phones? Truthfully, Riko didn’t take Neil’s phone until two years ago when he caught him making an outgoing call.
Slipping back out of the room was easy, getting back to his own room was easy also. Neil knew he was risking everything, and that this was his one shot to get Jean out. If he got caught, Neil would be sent to his father. No one knew what would happen to Jean
Pushing those thoughts out of his head, Neil made his way to the bathroom and turned on the shower before opening the phone. Neil then dialed a number he had memorized nearly six years ago but never truly thought he would call. First time for everything, right? It rang seven times, which made sense because Neil honestly had no idea what time it was in the outside world.
“What the fuck do you want?” Wymack’s angry voice rang through the phone, making Neil involuntarily flinch. “Anyone there?” Neil took a breath and only thought of Jean.
“Wymack,” Neil said. There was a pause across the line. Shuffling. It sounded like a door clicked shut.
“Who is this?” Wymack asked.
“Nathaniel, sir,” Neil responded. He was met with dead silence for a few seconds.
“Wesninski?” Wymack asked, his voice softening—or, as much as Wymack’s voice could soften. “Jesus Christ, kid.”
He… he sounds relieved, Neil thought, his body going still. What did Wymack have to be relieved about? Neil imagined the Foxes, of all teams, shouldn’t be relieved to hear from a Raven. Neil wasn’t blind to the fake phone calls, attacks, and vandalism they endured, mostly from the Ravens cult-like fans. It got even worse, once word about Kevin leaked.
“...kid?” Wymack asked. By the way he said it, Neil assumed it wasn’t the first time.
“Yes, sorry,” Neil said.
“Something’s wrong,” Wymack said before Neil could open his mouth again. Neil heard his tone shift–it was the same voice Wymack used on the court when one of the Foxes got unfairly checked.
“No shit.”
“You need help, kid?”
“Jean does,” Neil said.
“Moreau? What’s his problem?” Neil almost laughed.
“His problem? A spoiled brat with a delicate ego that won’t be too pleased to learn that Day is back on the court.” Neil sighed. “Look, Riko gets stabby when things don’t go his way and Kevin signing with you is going to piss him off. There is an uncomfortably high chance that Riko will kill Jean, slow and brutal–”
“I get it, kid, don’t worry,” Wymack said. Neil hadn’t been too concerned with Wymack agreeing. As confrontational as he seems, Wymack truly has a bleeding heart for broken children. Even without knowing he was Kevin’s father, Neil still would’ve taken him there. “How are we doing it?”
“Can you get to our game on Friday?”
“I can make it happen.”
“Good. Exactly three minutes after press, I am going to send Jean out to the cars and you need to take him then get out. Keep going and don’t look back. Understand?” Neil asked.
“Yeah, I can handle that.” Wymack sighed, pausing. Neil then realized that he was probably thinking about team logistics.
“Oh, uh, I have a plan for him. After. I just need you to take him to Palmetto for now. I’ll update you on the rest later.”
“That’s fine. Why three minutes?” Neil knew not to be offended by his gruff tone.
“One minute to wrap up the press, one minute to convince Jean to go out to the cars, and one minute to piss Riko off.” Wymack was quiet for a long time. Neil started going back through the conversation in his head to see if he missed anything.
“What about you?” Wymack asked.
“Someone needs to keep Riko distracted,” Neil said dryly. “I just happen to have a natural talent.”
“That’s not gonna go well, kid,” Wymack responded.
“Someone has to.”
“I can’t just leave you there.” Neil froze.
“I’m fine,” Neil lied. He really put no effort into that one. It was a natural reaction, more than anything.
“No one’s ‘fine’ in the Nest, least of all you. I’ve tried to buy your contract from Tetsuji–”
“What?” Neil whispered.
“Kevin told me that’s not how it works with you guys, I know, but I had to try.” In all the ways Neil imagined the conversation going, never once did he think Wymack would offer to take him out. Reputation aside, Neil still didn’t understand why he would spend time arguing this.
Wymack sighed like years were being taken off his life.
“Wesninski, I haven’t liked the idea of you being in the Nest since you dropped Kevin off.”
Oh. Oh. Neil had blocked out everything Kevin since that night, and he didn’t even consider—he should’ve known better, logically.
“You can’t go back, kid,” Wymack said. Nathaniel refused to hear the words. He was a castaway, and he couldn’t afford to think differently.
Nathaniel tore his eyes away and looked at Kevin, unconscious on Wymack’s couch. He passed out before they even made it to the car; but not before Riko shattered his hand, because that would be too kind, right?
He felt his mouth twitch, itching to pull into his father’s smile and wear his mother’s eyes. Nathaniel could see the ligaments and pink muscles of Kevin’s left hand. There were few times Nathaniel wanted to make Lola proud, but it was almost always over Kevin or Jean.
Apart from his hand, Kevin’s body was battered. Without his shirt (Nathaniel tore it off while driving to wrap around his hand), Kevin was lethal beauty, and a map of pain. While it didn’t look like Nathaniel’s patchwork mess, or Jean’s graveyard of words… his beauty was carved from abuse.
Nathaniel knew what today’s bruises covered. Kevin did too many shirtless photoshoots for there to be anything remotely noticeable, but it didn’t matter. Day was pure muscle, crafted from a statue by a diet suited for someone six inches shorter. He saw the faint lines the Master made Kevin inflict on himself everytime he wasn’t ‘good enough.’ Everytime Kayleigh would’ve ‘disowned him’ if she were alive. Tetsuji was smart, though. He never made Kevin cut himself in the same spot twice, or do it deep—just something that would be red for a week and fade over the course of another. Something Kevin would have to remind himself throughout the day.
Even broken, he was beautiful.
“Nathaniel, we can find a way.” Nathaniel brought his eyes back to Wymack’s.“It’s not worth…” Then he watched the words die in his mouth. He wasn’t sure what Wymack saw in his eyes, but Wymack seemed to have some sort of dawning realization. He didn’t bring it up again.
“Thank you,” Nathaniel said, speaking through the tightness in his throat. “I have to go.”
Nathaniel turned before Wymack could say anything else; before he could look at his face again and see the regret that he caused.
Kevin was the only one getting out of the Nest. It was Nathaniel’s home. It was Jean’s home. There was no way out. Little did Riko know that his tantrum created the only opening any of them would likely ever see.
Nathaniel let the screen door slam shut, got in the car, and drove to the nearest gas station. He went on a spontaneous eight mile run. He got back in the car.
He drove. He parked. He went running. He got back in the car.
He drove. He parked. He went running. He got back in the car.
He drove.
Nathaniel made the choice to bury his love, and he stuck by it.
“It’s fine. I’m fine in the Nest. I don’t want to leave,” Neil said, snapping back into the moment.
“Bullshit.” Wymack called. Rightfully so, but Neil didn’t mention that.
“You can’t get me out. I don’t want to leave.” Out of everything he said, Neil didn’t know why this felt like the biggest lie he’s ever told. “There is only one person getting out on Friday. Jean needs to be that person.”
“Not this again. Kid, I’m not letting–”
“Wymack!” someone called. Neil’s world slowed. “Have you seen your fucking team?” Neil knew that voice, and it was getting louder. “They’re a mess, and the most untalented, uncooperative group of people I’ve ever met. You need to get back out here.”
“One minute,” Wymack murmured. Neil distantly heard him yell at Kevin and Neil bit his lip. A door opened and closed, then Neil heard Wymack sigh in defeat. “You’re on speaker.” Fuck. He could hear Kevin breathing.
“Coach, what? We’re extending practice because of this,” Kevin said, clearly exasperated, and Neil almost rolled his eyes. It was so unbelievably Kevin. He was right there. Neil hadn’t heard Kevin’s voice in two years–that included interviews, because Jean always managed to keep Neil occupied during them and never see them.
“Nathaniel, want to pipe in here?” Wymack urged and Neil let out a shaky breath.
“Wait–what?” Neil heard Kevin say to Wymack.
“Kev,” Neil said.
“Nate?” Neil winced.
“Don’t call me that—it’s just Neil, now,” he said. He had to force his mind back on topic. “Can we, uhm. Can we focus?”
“Jesus Christ—fine,” Wymack said and Neil sighed in relief.
“So are we all set?” he asked.
“All set with what?” Kevin asked.
“We’re getting Jean out of the Nest on Friday. I will fill you in later,” Wymack said. Neil wanted to hit him for letting Kevin into the room. A small part of him, however, wondered if Wymack was working above his paygrade.
“But we’re leaving him there.” Kevin’s voice fell flat. Neil thought it was ironic how different Kevin and Wymack sounded when they were angry. Kevin yelled when he was annoying and frustrated, but not angry.
“Kev, you can’t get me out,” Neil said. “And Coach Wymack, Jean is more important.” Neil was sure Kevin heard the unspoken ‘than I am’ at the end of that sentence.
“We could find a way. If we’re getting Jean out, we can get you out,” Kevin said.
“I can’t leave. There’s no point in trying,” Neil said. If Kevin hadn’t tried to get Neil out of the Nest for a long time, Neil didn’t think that was going to change now. Neil didn’t want Kevin to get him out anyway. There was only one way for one of them to get out, and Neil was going to ensure it was Jean.
There was a slight pause over the line, and Neil should’ve known Kevin knew him too well.
“You think I haven’t tried to get you out–” Kevin started. That was news to Neil; something he didn’t have time to unpack then.
“Stop. You know yourself that Riko is going to be fuming after hearing about you signing. There is no way in Hell we are both just going to waltz out of the Nest. He can’t kill me, Day. You know this. But he can kill Jean and pass that off as an accident.” When Kevin didn’t immediately respond, Neil knew he won. “Wymack?”
“What?” he asked, clearly not pleased with the situation either.
“Kevin can’t come on Friday. Promise me that you won’t let him anywhere near the Nest. Have him stay back with someone—maybe Andrew—and do not let him out of his sight.” Neil knew a decent amount about Andrew, courtesy of Riko, and it wasn’t that he trusted him, but Neil was pretty sure Andrew and Kevin had some sort of relationship.
He also understood that when in a fight, Neil would rather be working with Andrew than against him. To Neil’s understanding, Andrew didn’t let anyone touch the people he cared about. If Kevin was on that list, Neil couldn’t picture a better option.
“No problem,” Wymack said over Kevin’s protests.
“Ok. Shit. I need to go. Do we have a deal?” Neil asked.
“I’ll see Jean Friday, kid,” Wymack said.
“Thank you,” Neil said. “I mean it. Really, thank you. Just—one more thing.”
“What now?” Wymack asked.
“Don’t let Jean come back. It’s going to be miserable trying to get him to leave in the first place and he is going to want to come back. For me, if nothing else. Do not let him.”
“We won’t, Neil,” Wymack said.
“If you need to tell him that I had nothing to do with it, then do so. I think he’ll be more complacent—well, at least a little more. He probably won’t believe it, but try. Come up with whatever story you want. Leave me out of it,” Neil said.
“Coach, can I talk to him for a second?” Kevin asked.
“Fine. Two minutes and I need you back at practice,” Wymack relented and Neil heard him hand the phone over.
“Kev,” Neil said. “Before you say anything, I need you to understand that there is no way for both of us to leave on Friday and the only way Jean can get out is if you don’t come. Tell me you understand that.”
“I know. I understand the first part,” Kevin said. “But I don't understand the second.”
“Kevin,” Neil said. “Baby. If you come here, I will leave with you. I won’t stay. And if I try to do that, neither Jean nor I will get out, ok? We won’t get out, Kevin. I have thought this through.” Kevin paused.
“Fine,” he said. There was some silence. “Neil?”
“Yeah.”
“I did it to protect you,” Kevin said. Neil stood there in awe and bit his lip to prevent himself from making a noise.
“I know,” he said.
“I was doing it to protect you.” Neil blinked up at the ceiling of the bathroom.
“Get Jean out. I might just make it if you promise me that you will.”
“I will. I trust Wymack,” Kevin said.
“No regrets, Kevin,” Neil said and he pictured Kevin’s face, remembering what Neil had said to him after they kissed for the first time.
“You and me, US Court. I will get us there. We will get there.” Neil clenched his fist, drawing the pain away from his heart and into his hand.
“I know,” Neil said.
“I want you out.”
“I’m fine. I don’t need to leave,” Neil said. He had an undeniably harder time lying to Kevin than he did to Wymack.
“Then come back for me.” Neil almost didn’t hear it. “I went back for you. I know you probably convinced yourself otherwise, but I did.”
“I didn’t sign up for this when I called,” Neil let himself slip back into Nathaniel. It was his default when Neil felt too strong. It wasn’t that Neil felt too many emotions—Abram could never feel as many emotions as other people—but when he felt the few ones that he did, he felt too strongly. “I wish we never fell in love,” Nathaniel said, scoffing at his own idiocy.
“Stop,” Kevin said. “Don’t do this.” Neil knew that Kevin wouldn’t leave without some sort of answer. Neil folded his arms on the counter of the bathroom and rested his forehead on them, closing his eyes, and spoke.
“I owe Jean everything. He saved my life, Kevin. I know you don’t know about this, and whenever I see you again—maybe when we’re Court—I’ll tell you about it. But right now, focus on Jean.” Neil wouldn’t let Kevin know that he wanted to leave. Kevin couldn’t know what happened to Neil when he pulled away from him all those years ago in the Nest because then Kevin would come back. And more importantly, Neil couldn’t know anything about Kevin because he was a runner, always had been and always would be.
He would run right back and it would get him killed.
“Ok,” Kevin said. Neil let out a sigh of relief. “And Wymack, he doesn’t know. You’re probably wondering. I haven’t been able to–”
“It’s fine,” Neil said.
“Come on. Don’t–”
“I’m fine, Kevin,” Neil lied. The masochistic part of him hoped that it gave Kevin comfort, or gave him pain. Either one. “I’ve been here all my life. What’s another two years?”
Neil felt sick just thinking about it and hung up without a second thought. He returned the phone to Tetsuji’s office before taking off running laps around the court. He managed thirteen before his body dragged him back to his room from exhaustion. Neil was too tired to think when he went to bed.
Mission accomplished.
Exactly what he wanted, for once in his life.
—
The days leading up to the game were exhausting, as usual, but thankfully quiet. Jean came back from the interview in one piece and Riko was in an oddly content mood–meaning Neil and Jean actually got a rare chance to sleep. He wished he was exaggerating.
Neil was good enough at keeping lies at that point in his life for Jean to have no idea of his plans. Well, in addition to the plan itself, Neil couldn’t help but feel a little proud with how well it came together. As long as he didn’t think about the fact that it would be leaving him in his own personal Hell for years to come, everything was smooth.
It was the Friday of the game and all of the Ravens were eating in the dining hall. It was the usual pre-game meal; grilled chicken, bread, protein smoothie with spinach.
Neil was in the middle of moving his food around the plate when a bread roll hit him in the face.
“Fuck you,” was his eloquent response. Neil looked up to see Jean scowling at him, yet only Neil would be able to see the slight concern in his eyes.
“Nathaniel,” Jean said. He refused to say ‘Neil’ in any place where the other Ravens would be able to hear it and use that name against him like every other name Neil had. After that night, though, Nathaniel was less triggering than ‘Nate.’
“What?” Neil asked, raising an eyebrow at Jean.
“You are not eating,” Jean responded. “You need to eat.”
“I don’t want to. Back off,” Neil snapped. Jean was surprised at the outburst. Neil knew why he wasn’t hungry but it wasn’t like he was going to tell Jean that because he was a stubborn asshole.
“You have not eaten enough this week. You cannot make it through the game if you do not. You almost passed out two days ago,” Jean rebutted. “I’m worried.”
“Yeah, well, don’t be. I’m absolutely fine,” Neil said, dropping his fork and crossing his arms. Jean gave him the look—the look that usually got Neil to do whatever he wanted. It was somewhere between ‘I want to make sure you’re as healthy as possible in these conditions’ and ‘If you don’t do it you can’t wear any of my sweatshirts.’
But there was something about that day, knowing that Jean wouldn’t be there to give him that look tomorrow. Neil reminded himself that he would be with Wymack, not under the power of Riko’s hands.
“I’ll see you at the game,” Neil said, pushing away from the table.
“Nate–”
He walked back towards their room, not needing to turn around to see the shocked expression on Jean’s face.
Neil flopped down on his bed and groaned. He was excited about the game, as per usual, but for anything after? He didn’t know.
Neil truly and wholeheartedly prayed that part of him wasn’t hoping for someone to save him. He had learned that he wasn’t worth saving a long time ago. It was why he was there, right? It was why his mother ran without him, wasn’t it? Likely why his dad cast him off to the yakuza until he could take his place. At least the main branch thought that he was worth something.
Wow, Neil thought. Isn’t that sickening.
Jean eventually opened their door and scoffed when he saw Neil face-first on their bed. He came over and sat on the bed next to Neil, running a hand through his hair. Neil ignored the spark of pain in his chest and sat up, looking at Jean. He still looked concerned, but not as much as before.
“Neil,” Jean said and switched to French, “What is the problem?”
“Nothing,” Neil responded, and after a nod, Jean pulled Neil towards him.
Oh that bastard knew how to get everything he wanted.
“I'm just tired.”
Jean hummed in response.
“Of what?” Jean asked and Neil sighed, leaning his head on Jean’s shoulder.
“Riko. Waking up. Living,” Neil mumbled. Jean’s hand stilled in his hair for a split second before continuing. Jean’s other hand then reached down and grabbed Neil’s from where it was clutched into the pocket of Jean’s sweatshirt. He ran his thumb over Neil’s palm until his fist loosened, before slipping it beneath the cuff of Neil’s shirt. It went back and forth over his wrist a few times, then a little farther up his forearm, before Jean pulled away and moved Neil’s hand back to where it originally had been.
Jean was not nearly as subtle as he thought he was.
“I’m fine, Jean. I wouldn’t do that, let alone before a game.” Jean snorted and Neil smiled. It hurt a lot more than he cared to admit.
“You have a one-track mind, Neil.”
“Like you’re any better,” Neil mumbled.
“I am not nearly as addicted as you are.”
“You don’t have to be an addict to love the sport,” Neil said, breathing in.
“True. I love the sport when we are properly fed and not bleeding out, ripping stitches, and crashing against the plexiglass.”
“You do realize that you crush opponents against the plexiglass, right? You’re one of the best backliners in the country. Have some empathy. How do you think they feel?” Neil asked.
“Well, I am assuming it is not very good.” Neil pulled back from Jean as a smile drew across his face.
“Actually, you do like getting shoved into the plexiglass,” Neil said, very matter of factly.
“Excuse me?” Jean asked.
“Well, when Jeremy Knox and his 5 foot 11” tan self is the one pressing you into the– ”
“Neil, you absolute asshole,” Jean cut him off. Neil didn’t miss how his face slightly warmed.
“How does it feel when Knox puts his hands on you to shove off? Does he say anything to you? Like, ‘Jean Moreau, you are stunning and sexy–’’” Jean put his face in his hands before looking back up. Neil suppressed a smirk.
“What do you want from me, Neil? He is hot. And the fact that you cannot see it–”
“I can see it,” Neil defended. “I’m just not attracted to him like you are. I don’t know him well enough.” Jean snorted and shook his head.
“Keep talking, Neil, and–” Their door then slammed open and both Neil and Jean leapt off the bed. They whipped around to face the door and saw Riko.
“Three and Four, in the locker room. Get changed. Do I need to remind you that the game starts in an hour?” Riko spat.
“You just did, thanks. I would have forgotten,” Neil said.
“Just for that, you’re on press duty with me, Wesninski. No goals tonight, either of you, or it’s going to be a very long night.” Riko turned and walked away from their door. Neil’s plan was in progress.
Neil flipped the bird to the open door before Jean grabbed his hand and started to drag him out of their room.
“Fucking bastard. Riko should take his reminders and shove them so far up his–”
“Nathaniel,” Jean warned.
“Yeah, yeah,” Neil mumbled, closing their door behind them. “When have we ever let goals through?” Jean sighed when Neil pulled him to a stop. “No, seriously, Jean. When do we ever let goals through?”
“We never do,” Jean relented.
“Right. Thank you,” Neil said. Riko was a bastard, but insulting their game was over the line.
“It is because we are both too stubborn to do so,” Jean said.
“Exactly. Are you ready?” Neil asked, the smile that only came out during games started to spread across his face.
“Let’s do this,” Jean said, using Neil’s shoulders to turn him around and push him towards the locker rooms.