Neil pulled into one of the last spots in front of Branford housing. He threw the car in park, blindly groped for his backpack in the backseat, and left without a second glance.
It was a shitty parking job, even for his standards. Neil, however, had more important things on his mind… like needing to run before class so he could continue acting like decent human being to his peers.
He stopped in front of his usual coffee cart and pulled his beanie down a little bit lower as he ordered a simple coffee with a shot of hazelnut. Despite being in one place for nearly the last year, Neil had still not gotten used to making eye contact with someone for more than a passing glance nor was he comfortable looking at someone for longer than that. Though, that never stopped him from staring at Andrew as long as he could before he shoved his face away.
Neil stiffened slightly as he felt someone get into line behind him while he grabbed his coffee and passed over some money. He nodded in thanks and nearly ran into a stranger as he turned around.
“Geeze, make a noise,” Neil said. The person glanced down at him, tossing blond hair over her shoulder.
“And you’re telling me?” she asked.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Neil responded, even though he probably shouldn't have. The person smiled then stuck a brightly manicured hand out to him.
“Allison,” she said. Neil hesitantly took her hand then went back to sipping his coffee to give him something to do before his plan to rudely walk away.
“Hi. I’ve got to go. Sorry,” Neil said as he turned away. He didn’t get very far.
“Where are you living, redhead?” she asked from behind him and Neil debated the merits of pretending like he hadn’t heard her. He rolled his eyes and turned back around.
“Third floor.” Allison narrowed her eyes, likely at his vagueness. Someone then walked up to Allison and stood beside her, ignoring Allison’s scrutinizing looks. Allison then pulled the person’s sunglasses out of her white hair and switched them with her own.
“Those look better on you,” Allison said, “and I wore these last class.” Allison handed her sunglasses off and turned back to face Neil. “This is redhead.” The other girl made a face and turned a kind expression on Neil. He almost smiled at her white hair with pastel rainbow-colored tips.
“Hello. Nice to meet you. I’m Renee Walker,” she said and Neil nodded in return.
“I know,” he said, then winced.
“You two know each other?” Allison asked. Neil was starting to question if she said that rudely or if that was her natural tone.
“I don’t think so,” Renee responded.
“I know of you,” Neil said.
“From whom?” Allison asked. Neil could clearly tell the difference in their personalities. They say opposites attract, right?
“Andrew.” Allison snorted. Neil knew that Andrew had talked about both of them before and if he hadn’t wanted him saying anything, he would have told Neil so.
“You know the monster?” Allison asked and Neil only let it pass because he knew that Andrew liked that name when it came to people he didn’t know well. He also didn’t say anything because Renee shot her a sharp look. “I’m sorry–you know Minyard? My condolences.”
“Thanks,” Neil said with an exhaled laugh. He noticed that the next time he looked at Renee, something had shifted behind her eyes and she wore a slight smile.
“Well. We have class. I’ll meet you by your suite after, redhead. Renee?” Allison said as she started to stalk off in what had to be at least six-inch heels. Renee hung back a second.
“Nice to meet you, Neil,” Renee said and Neil pulled back his beanie a little. The panic ebbed quicker than he was used to only because he reminded himself that Andrew trusted her and he trusted Andrew.
His mom would have beaten him senseless if she had heard that logic.
“Tell Andrew I said hi, Walker,” Neil said. He knew Andrew’s schedule and Renee had a class with him before Neil would be able to see him.
“Will do,” Renee said and she smiled so contently at Neil that he almost felt the need to look away.
Neil then checked his phone and realized that he didn’t have time to go back to his dorm before class. Instead he gave his coffee to a stranger and decided to run to his class, pass it, and make a second lap.
When he eventually stopped in class, sweaty and content, he was met with a scowl from Andrew-look-alike. Neil smirked as he took a seat by the door because if Aaron didn’t know anything about him and already seemed annoyed, he was in for a real treat once he found out about him and Andrew.
They never really talked about Aaron when they were together and Andrew didn’t have much to say besides that there was nothing to say. Neil knew about Andrew and Aaron’s past together, and Neil automatically disliked him by default, though he wasn’t as blunt about it as Aaron was towards him.
Neil pulled out a notebook and drew pointless things across its pages as the professor started talking about abstract algebra. It really consisted of her rewording ‘you should be scared’ in multiple different ways. He almost snorted at the fact that someone could be scared of a class.
Aaron and his eyes connected across the room again and he still seemed decently bothered by his presence besides the fact that Neil had never actually met him. Neil didn’t really give a shit. He had just transferred to Yale halfway through his second semester at Columbia per Andrew telling him ‘you can’t live that far away when you are constantly attracting death’. Frankly, neither of them were pleased with the distance when Neil had a run-in with one of his fathers’ men. He made it out fine—stitches up his back and on his neck, mild concussion—yet it was all taken care of by the time Andrew had made it and he was pissed. Andrew had looked at Neil and asked him which one of them was transferring and Neil was more than happy to.
The class went by quickly as he was vaguely paying attention and more focused on the fact that he got to see Andrew after. They hadn’t seen each other more than passing each other quickly for the past three days and Neil was not happy about that.
Neil was out of the door before they were dismissed and decided to run the way back to Branford. The campus was beautiful and mostly empty until he reached his dorm. Neil pulled down his beanie as he made his way up the stairs and to his room. He threw open the door and gave a quick nod at his roommate Matt. He then froze when he realized that someone else was in the room that usually wasn’t. Matt seemed to pick up on his discomfort quickly and looked at him apologetically.
“Neil. This is Dan, my girlfriend. Dan, Neil,” Matt said and Neil nodded at Dan. “I’m sorry. I should have told you that she was coming over, or at least warned you– because I know how–”
“Matt,” Neil said. He tried to look as non-asshole-ish as possible. It was harder than he cared to admit. “It’s fine.” Matt still looked concerned so Neil stuck his hand out to Dan. “Nice to meet you.” Matt was oddly protective of him.
Dan shook his hand with a firm grip and smiled at him.
“Nice to meet you too, Neil. I didn’t mean to intrude in your room,” Dan said. Something about her had Neil feeling some sort of respect towards her.
“Don’t worry about it. I have someone coming here, too,” Neil said and then turned to Matt who looked utterly surprised. “Is that ok?” Neil almost laughed as Matt made an attempt at finding his voice.
“Oh. Yeah. Totally, buddy. That’s great,” Matt said. Neil nodded and asked if they wanted anything from the fridge when he reached it. He and Matt had become decently close in the short amount of time that they had known each other. Neil didn’t really want to let himself get any closer. He sat on the couch with the two of them after Matt had insisted.
“So, Neil,” Dan said. “I know nothing about you.” Neil nodded and said nothing more. Matt snorted. Dan looked mildly confused.
“Yes,” Neil said. “Sorry. I just don’t have much to share.” Dan didn’t look offended and almost looked at him like she was sizing him up.
“Okay. You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Dan said.
“It’s not that. It’s just that I don’t have anything to share that wouldn’t kill the mood,” Neil said and almost laughed at his word choice. He thought that he could share about Andrew but that was between them, not his roommate and his girlfriend.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Dan said. Neil shrugged.
“Don’t be.” There was then a short knock on the door and Neil smiled. Andrew always knocked the same. Twice, short, and somehow effectively conveyed ‘if you don’t get off your ass and answer the door right now, I am leaving.’
Neil pushed off the couch and opened the door. Andrew didn’t smile at Neil–and Neil knew that to anyone else, it would have looked like Andrew really didn’t care—yet he noticed the slight twitch of his eyebrow and how something shifted behind his eyes. Andrew walked past Neil and into the room and all Neil heard was a groan.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Dan asked. Andrew ignored her and continued walking towards Neil’s room. After they heard the door slam, Matt turned to Neil.
“Neil? You know Andrew Minyard?” Matt asked, visibly concerned. “And you’re still breathing?”
“Yes,” Neil said. There wasn’t really any other answer. Matt’s brow furrowed and Neil could see his brain going in all of the wrong directions and making shitty assumptions.
Neil knew how people looked at Andrew. How people judged him. Tattoos ran in black sleeves down his arms partially covered by his armbands and his back was covered, he had countless piercings in each ear and one in his tongue, he wore white shirts and leather jackets, and he had black painted nails.
Apparently everyone else was scared of that yet Neil thought Andrew looked amazing, though he was biased. He was also glad that people were scared of Andrew because it meant that fewer people would ever try him. Not that Andrew couldn't take it, Neil was just a little protective.
“Neil,” Dan warned as he started to make his way to his room. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing? Matt told me that you’re new here and all—do you even know the monster?”
“Yes,” Neil said and rolled his eyes as he shut the door. He knew that both of them were screwing themselves over.
Neil looked over at where Andrew was reading one of his papers off his desk.
“Check your math on number four,” Andrew said and then sat on Neil’s bed and leaned against the headboard. Neil snorted and looked at the paper.
“Really?” he asked three seconds before he noticed his mistake. He crossed out his previous answer and looked back at Andrew.
“You aren’t at Columbia anymore,” Andrew said and Neil rolled his eyes.
“Technically, Columbia and Yale are tied in ranking. And I’m glad.” Andrew raised his eyebrows. “That I’m not at Columbia anymore.”
“Junkie,” Andrew mumbled as Neil sat down on the bed. “Yes or no?”
“Yes,” Neil said. Andrew then moved over to straddle him and wrapped an arm around his lower back to pull him into a fierce kiss. Neil sighed into his mouth as Andrew grabbed his hands and put them on his hips. Neil didn’t move but was overly content with his position. Andrew then reached into Neil’s hair and pulled off his beanie before running his hands through his hair then back down to his neck. They broke apart breathless and Neil smiled against Andrew’s mouth.
“You do realize that your roommates think that I am killing you right now,” Andrew said.
“Fuck them,” Neil said. “Besides, it was way too much fun watching their expressions when they saw you. We could give them a graphic description of us making out if you’d prefer.” Neil smirked.
“You want to screw with them?” Andrew asked.
“Not necessarily. It’s what they get for assuming, and if I happen to do something that may or may not add to it…” Neil shrugged and Andrew shook his head at him.
“How about I splatter some cranberry juice on my shirt before I leave?”
“Add a little jaunt to your walk out,” Neil said.
“Should I carry an ax while I do it?”
“Why not?” Neil replied and Andrew shook his head again.
“You’re an asshole, don’t they know that?” Andrew asked.
“They haven’t had the pleasure of knowing me as long as you have,” Neil said.
“That doesn’t deny the fact.”
“What? And you’re not an asshole?”
“I never said that,” Andrew mumbled against Neil’s lips as he leaned in again. They kissed for a few more minutes to the point where Neil was feeling drunk on the sensation. Andrew then destraddled Neil and looked at him intently.
“How’s your back?” Andrew asked.
“Fine,” Neil responded and Andrew looked utterly unimpressed.
“Can I look at them.” It wasn’t really a question but Neil knew that he had the power to say ‘no’ and have it be respected if he wanted.
“Isn’t your brother pre-med, not you?” Andrew just stared at him. “Fine,” Neil said as an answer that time, rather than how he was feeling.
Neil started to pull off his shirt but stopped when Andrew passed him a sharp look. He knew that Neil had been having trouble getting clothes on and off with all of the pulling it did to the stitches. Neil had gone through much worse, but Andrew was slowly showing him that he didn’t have to do that alone anymore. Really, Andrew just simmered in rage any time Neil mentioned what his mother had him do on the run or what he had to do himself.
Andrew slowly pulled the shirt off Neil and stepped around the back of the bed. He stared at Neil’s back for a minute or two before leaving the room. Neil faintly heard the sink turning on and Andrew not acknowledging whatever Matt and Dan had said to him. He returned a minute later and shoved the bedroom door closed with his foot. Andrew then grabbed the cream Neil was given off the table and looked at him for approval before he continued.
Neil had twenty-seven stitches in his back and up the base of his neck from that time in Columbia. His father was dead, but that never meant that his circle would stop looking for him. The stitches faintly hurt in comparison to everything that had been done to Neil, but without having something that bad happen in a while, they stung. Not to mention the fact that Neil was not used to having hospital stitches that weren’t made out of fishing line.
Andrew lightly put the cream down his neck and across part of his back. Neil waited until he finished.
“Andrew,” Neil said. His eyes flickered to him. “Thank you.” Andrew’s eyes narrowed before he went back to the bathroom to wash his hands.
Neil’s phone started buzzing. He groaned, turning to land face-first on his bed. The door soon opened with a click, and Neil heard Andrew make his way to the nightstand.
“When was the last time you slept?” Andrew asked. Neil didn’t know how the fuck he did that. Neil said nothing as Andrew laid down in his bed next to him.
“Yes or no?” Neil asked and Andrew nodded. Neil then fit himself under one of Andrew’s arms. Andrew threw his legs on top of Neil’s and he was happy with it more than anything. Andrew’s other hand came up and carded its way through Neil’s hair. Neil had to say that he was a huge fan of the nails.
“Neil,” Andrew said. Neil sighed.
“I’ll call Stuart back tomorrow,” he said. Andrew hummed.
“You’ve said that for the past four days.” Neil knew that. “He won’t make you go home. He just cares.”
“Gross. I never want to hear that,” Neil said, and Andrew snorted.
Neil knew Stuart had good intentions–honestly, Neil couldn’t be more grateful–because you don’t get someone a ‘field job’ in a mob family like the one Neil had. Stuart knew that Neil didn’t want to be a part of the family, though there weren’t many ways around it. Before this year, Neil thought he would’ve died at best, and been tortured within an inch of his life at worst. Stuart, though, changed everything. Sure, legally, he was Neil Hatford… but he gets to be with Andrew, alive.
“I can hear you thinking, junkie,” Andrew said. “Call him.”
“Later,” Neil responded. “He likes you, remember?” Andrew put his lips against Neil’s hair to hide a small smile.
“Shut up and sleep,” Andrew responded.
Andrew kissed his forehead as Neil’s eyes fluttered closed.
“I love you,” Neil said and he was sure that he heard Andrew mumble something back that sounded oddly similar.
—
Neil woke up forty-five minutes later to a loud sound, a light yell, and then someone gasping for air. Neil quickly spun and saw Matt on the floor, holding his stomach, and Dan was promptly glaring at Andrew like she could get revenge with just that stare.
No.
Neil turned and saw Andrew’s breathing quickly speed up as he threw a terrified look at him. Neil threw himself out of bed before Andrew swung at him and proceeded to glare over at Dan. The penguins could have marched through the room with the coldness of his glare.
“Did you touch him?” Neil asked Dan who looked back at him like she couldn’t even believe that was what Neil was worrying about.
“Neil. He punched–” Dan started.
“I don’t give a shit. Did you?” Dan still looked pissed as she answered.
“Yes. Someone at the door asked for you–”
“Get the fuck out,” Neil said letting a deadly threat creep into his voice. Dan’s eyes then narrowed in on his neck before widening as they raked down his chest.
Shit.
Neil hadn’t even thought about what he was wearing. Which was only pants. He willed his breathing to slow down and just focused on his anger.
“Neil. What happened?”
He was livid.
Neil let the Butcher’s smile pull at the corner of his mouth, a sadistic thing that felt all-too comfortable on his lips. Dan must’ve registered something in his gaze (Neil would be concerned if she hadn’t) as she shut her mouth and started to pull Matt out the door. Nathaniel wasn’t proud of the part of him that was bred on sheer violence. It was too large of a part, but there wasn’t much he could do about that.
“Fuck both of you,” Neil said. “Do not come back.”
Neil slammed the door shut and looked over at Andrew. His breathing was no better than where it was when he woke up. His eyes looked glossy and Neil was mentally cursing himself for not locking the door.
“Andrew,” Neil said. He stayed against the door. Andrew’s eyes flicked to him and Neil let out a relieved breath that he was responsive. “It’s Neil.”
The fucking problem was that it hadn’t been. Not when he was in the foster homes, not when his roommates decided to throw privacy out the fucking window and open the door, and not when Drake made his way to New Haven before finding himself in a… unique grave.
Neil knew that he would have woken up at the sound if he hadn’t already been so tired. He planned on telling them that with a few colorful embellishments.
Andrew took a shuddering breath.
“What do you need?” Andrew gestured to Neil to come closer to him. Neil was hesitant, but he knew that Andrew wouldn’t have told him to come closer if he couldn’t handle it. Andrew slid a hand up Neil’s scarred arm and eventually into his hair. “I’m sorry, Drew. I didn’t think that–”
Andrew tugged on his hair and Neil flicked his gaze to his eyes. Andrew raised both eyebrows and firmly looked at him. Neil wanted to ask if he was okay but he knew that it was a pointless question. Nothing that had ever happened to Andrew was ‘okay’ and Neil wanted to change that. He deserved so much more.
“I’m fine,” Andrew said. Neil snorted and shook his head.
“I’ll be right back?” Neil worded it as a question. Andrew had never been good at expressing what he needed. The familiar rage flashed through Neil at the fact that Andrew should be holding himself in higher regard than he even held Neil. He thought that Andrew would disagree.
“You’re coming back,” Andrew said.
“Just give me two minutes,” Neil said and Andrew nodded. He threw on a sweatshirt before walking out of the bedroom door and closing it behind him. He looked over as Dan and Matt on the couch. Neil knew that Matt could take a hit–even though Andrew could pack a harder punch than most people–and he would be fine. He walked in front of the couch where they were sitting. Matt almost looked apologetic whereas Dan still looked mad, but less mad.
“Neil, what happened–”
“Don’t,” Neil said. He barely put in any effort to keep the anger from his voice. Dan and Matt both looked a little surprised. “You can’t just walk into someone’s bedroom. If the door is closed, you knock. This whole situation could have been avoided. If you thought for one second before opening the door, I would have heard the knock and let you in. Got that?”
“Yeah, buddy. I didn’t mean to,” Matt started.
“I know,” Neil said, cutting him off. “But if you ever fucking touch him again–let alone when we are both asleep—I will hurt you.” Matt looked scared. Neil forgot that he only knew Neil on the surface. People often had mistaken him for being soft. If only they fucking knew. “You do not touch someone without them knowing it.”
“Yeah, I know,” Dan said dismissively.
“Well clearly you don’t,” Neil responded. Dan narrowed her eyes before continuing. Neil wasn’t that upset with Matt, in all honesty, because he at least seemed apologetic and relatively receptive of what Neil was saying.
Matt turned to him. “Neil, buddy, I promise I– I understand.” Neil nodded, mustering as much honestly into that gaze as he could, mouthing ‘I know’ at him. “I want you to feel comfortable bringing people here–”
“Don’t you think that you should go talk to Andrew about what he did to Matt, instead of lecturing us? I mean he always hurts people, Neil,” Dan said.
“Dan,” Matt whispered, shooting wide eyes at her. Neil almost saw red. Wait until they figured out that Neil knew Andrew much better than either of them did. They both must have realized that Andrew and Neil were together when they walked in the room. It made Neil sick to think about how long they were in there before either of them woke up.
“You don’t know anything about him. You have no fucking right to come in my room and tell me what I should be doing. And just to let you know, Dan, you couldn’t possibly fathom what Andrew and I have been through. I understand what happened just fine. You are the one that doesn’t get it.” Neil took a breath. “I will tell you that I have been to Hell and back but I do not need to justify anything of what I am saying with that. Nor does Andrew have to come in here and explain anything to you. And neither of you deserve it. Matt, regardless of knowing nothing, at least is trying to understand. You know nothing, and you judge Andrew without a second thought and I can already tell that you are separating yourself from me based on what you saw on my chest.”
Neil watched. Matt looked like he was just caught committing a crime and Dan had her lips pressed in a thin line.
“Neil, we didn’t mean to,” Matt said.
“I know, Matt.”
“It’s a lot, though, Neil,” Dan said.
“Me being with Andrew or my scars?” Neil asked. “Never mind. I would suggest that you get the hell out of here before Andrew leaves.”
Neil left them both with a heavy look and walked back to the door of his room, then turned around.
“I also just want you to think about the extent of your actions.” Neil steeled himself. “I was not ready to show you my scars, Matt, and especially not you, Dan. That should have been my choice. I should have had control over if or when I felt comfortable enough to show you.” Neil shrugged. “Nothing you can do about it now.”
Matt looked truly apologetic.
“Don’t tell anyone,” Neil said.
“We won’t, I promise,” Matt responded.
“Underestimate me, though,” Neil said, “and that’ll be fun.”
Old habits die hard.
Neil opened the door to his dorm and slammed it shut. He knew he was an asshole and he really didn’t give a shit.
Andrew looked at him with a question in his eyes after Neil walked in the room and Neil nodded. Andrew then pressed him against the dorm door and kissed him. Neil kept his hands in the pocket of his hoodie and was very content with letting Andrew kiss him.
“That fucking mouth,” Andrew said against his lips. Neil smiled.
“You like it,” Neil said.
“I hate you.”
“I know you do.”
“You have class,” Andrew said and Neil nodded. “My room after?”
“What about Aaron?” Neil asked and Andrew just stared at him. “You know he hates me.”
“Does that matter?” Andrew asked and Neil just shrugged and smiled into the next kiss.
“We had way too much space between us before.”
“Shut up,” Andrew mumbled. “And yes.”
If Andrew and Neil left his room breathing heavier than they had when they had walked in, no one needed to know.